Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Undefiled Marriage Bed

“Marriage at its exquisite peak of pleasure speaks powerfully the truth of covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. And that love is the most powerful force in the world. It is not surprising then that Satan’s defeat, Christ’s glory, and our pleasure should come together in this undefiled marriage bed.” {This Momentary Marriage pg. 135}

What a beautiful thought, that when your marriage bed is undefiled Satan has a defeat, Christ is glorified and you receive pleasure. Although I’m almost certain that an undefiled marriage bed isn’t simply refraining from sexual relations with someone other than your spouse, I do think this is a major issue in defiling the marriage bed between you and your beloved.

Two actions that can lead to a defiled marriage bed when pertaining to sexual issues outside your covenant are not giving yourself to your spouse and engaging in ‘women porn’.

Give yourself to your spouse.

Please actually take time to consider how much you deny yourself to your husband. Are you annoyed when he tries to pursue you in sex? Are you frustrated when you undress and he watches and likes it? Don’t be! This is a good thing. I’ve noticed that women tend to become annoyed at their husband quickly after marriage with those two things in particular but please know that God has designed that typically men have more of a physical need/attraction to sex, and it’s not a bad or dirty thing. When we give ourselves to our husbands unreservedly {grandite there are times when your sick or when it’s not possible} you are helping to protect and keep your marriage bed undefiled. Ladies, when we aren’t giving ourselves to our husbands Satan will be able to strongly tempt him in this way. image via

Destroy your porn.

I know many of your reaction are that that’s something you have never struggled with and you want to skip to the next paragraph, but will you stick around? Dr. Russell Moore has brought up some amazing insight into ‘women’s porn.’ He explains that women are destroying their marriages because of the porn in their life that they don’t even see. Want to know what he says this is? Fiction Novels. {Please put down the virtual boo noises and keep reading} In the Christian circles secular fiction novels are well agreed upon as being raunchy and laced with affairs but, what about the ladies who have moved on to the Christian fiction novels and don’t read the secular filth? {image via}

Does your ‘Christian’ fiction novel portray a man whose the godliest of them all? The romantic, ever so selfless, always helping around the house and the best spiritual leader the world has yet to see {Puritans can't even measure up}? Does he run to his wife’s aid and pray for her every need and never become frustrated when she does something wrong? The answer is probably yes, most Christian fiction novels portray this ‘perfect Christian’ man. {image via}

Do you see the danger in this? The danger is that 'he' doesn’t exist. Just like we’re never going to always portray the Proverbs 31 woman our husband will never live up to perfection. When you read those novels or even watch some movies that do the same, you can begin to be discontent with your spouse. Frustrated that their not more romantic or leading in more prayer time with your family and began to fantasize {have thoughts} about being married to that guy. Even though ‘that guy’ may not be a real person, don’t you think Satan can pick up on your discontentment and put a guy that seems like your fantasize guy in your way?

May we be reminded that we must fight for our marriage bed to be undefiled, may we not idly sit back and let weeds grow up to the point where we destroy our marriage, yes there is much grace and forgiveness even when this occurs but, save the heartache and save the name of Christ so He can be gloriously displayed when your covenant is kept intact.

{ This Momentary Marriage is an excellent book to read, although I thought it was simply about marriage it is so profound at getting to the root of issues in marriage. You can download a free copy in PDF form here, or purchase it here for $6.99}

{I’m aware that I said maybe two not so nice words {Sex and Porn} but, I believe that it needs to be said, if we deny these things they don’t go away they just come our way unnoticed and lead to temptations that will end in tragedy.}

Do you see the issue of wives not giving themselves to their spouse as a problem?

Do you notice the tendency of christian fiction novels to cause wives to fantasize about someone other than their husbands?

What are some ways you try to guard your marriage bed?

I'm linking this: Women Living Well, Time Warp Wife, Raising Homemakers, Women in the Word Wednesday,We are THAT Fam


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  1. This was a good post. I'm getting married in October (!!! ~ you would think the constant wedding planning would have made it sink in, but I still can't believe it! SO excited! Anyway...) and you brought up good points I hadn't considered before (in regards to the Christian fiction).


  2. Excellent points! We need to guard our heart at all times, even things we consider "innocent" are not--especially because we tend to consider them against the world's standards and not what God says in the Bible! May we (I!!) always strive to give myself wholeheartedly to my husband and strive to remain pure in heart with desire only for God and my husband.

  3. This is GREAT, Marcie! I would like to add that WATCHING Bachelor/Bachelorette and romance reality shows is another TERRIBLE option that Christian women should never, ever allow themselves to see! It's awful stuff!

    Great post, Marcie!
    Becky B.
    Organizing Made Fun

  4. I have often said that my dh would be perfect... if he had a script lol. You are absolutely right. Our husbands can never live up to the tv/book fantasies.... just like we can't live up to the porn/Leave it to Beaver fantasies they might have. We have to be realistic... which is hard sometimes. Thanks for this post. It really made me think :)

  5. A very good post. There is nothing more destructive than the little fox of comparing your husband to an ideal you have. Thanks for bringing up the idea of "woman porn". So true!

  6. As a young widow, I get trapped in that romance novel guy stuff so easily! I've definitely found it easier to focus on my relationship with the Lord when I steer clear of those kind of books! Thanks for the affirmation!

  7. OK, this is absolutely fabulous! Thank you soooo much for writing this, especially about the "women porn." It is SO true that we women will get wrapped up in what seems like good fiction, only to have Satan put those tiny seeds of discontent in our heads. My husband has really done a great job in encouraging me to stop reading all this fiction and start reading something that truly benefits me (like non fiction books on marriage, raising children, etc).

    Wonderful post! Such a great point we women need to be reminded about.

  8. Oooooh, I'm not sure if I'm guilty of this : ) I don't think the books I read are mostly romance but I'm starting to question myself. Definitely some disernment needed.

  9. You are so right! Thank you for pointing out these simple truths!

    What a great reminder...
    Jeni @ Becoming Martha

  10. I'm new to blogging and I like to see other peoples blogs so that I can see what is out there so I don't post what is tiredly overdone!

    That being said, I really enjoyed this post. I had never thought about "women porn" in that way. I enjoy the romantic type novels and thought that because they were Christian they were safer, but I'm committed to my marriage and I'm going to commit to not defiling my marriage bed.

    Bye-Bye Books!

    Niki @ Crown For My Husband

  11. ya, but should my future husband force me into sex at any point, should i marry someone, CHOOSE to marry someone who has that effect of pushing it out of me, i'm essentially asking is this right, because just like fantasy novels are an example of culture influencing our current problems in marriage, so do other ideas like a man getting it when he wants it. i think this idea of giving a man what he wants bc he might go sin sexually is influenced by pop cultural ideals. i do agree with your position on romance novels.

  12. Well written BUT I think Christian women need to tread lightly on your first point in regaurds to wives and not giving themselves to their husbands. I can tell you, from experience if a women is not woed by her husband it is because of past experiences and not because she doesn't want to give herself fully to her husband. It is such a deeper issue than what you have lightly covered because it usually means that a women was defiled herself as a child, teenager, or woman and needs to be gently guided towards Christ for healing and not get the same "happy message" sex is a gift from God and you CAN NOT keep it from your husband. There are so many levels to this issue, it would be great for someone to dig deeper than the surface to encourage women instead of pointing a finger at them and putting in their faces that as a wife they are failing. I don't think that was the intent of your post but it is what is felt when you are the one who longs for an imtimate relationship but because of past experiences can not enjoy that part of your marriage.

  13. Fantastic article, I got some ideas for my post, thank you http://kingsdaughters21.blogspot.com/2012/02/being-wife-who-enjoys-sex.html