"I am broken, I am bleeding,
I'm scared and I'm confused,
but You are faithful.
I am weary, unbelieving.
God please help my unbelief!
I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark."
Faithful by Steven Curtis Chapman
Can I be real?
The past twenty-four hours have been some of the most difficult for me.
As you know my husband and I are in the process of Adoption and things were sailing smoothly along when all of a sudden it's taken a 90 degree turn and I'm seriously a little dizzy. This morning when I was completely alone with the Lord I felt like I was in such a good place. I was helpless, desperate for His presence, focused. I was waging war on my children’s behalf and waging war against my thoughts.
One thing I'm beginning to learn during trials is that I must have self-control with my thoughts. See, it's easy to let my thoughts dictate my emotions, mood and behavior. However, we are supposed to speak to ourselves with Truth instead of leading our sinful/self-seeking thoughts control us. We are supposed to forcefully snatch up our thoughts and make them line-up with the scripture. Until, we do this we are giving into our sinful mind. We are not receiving life-giving water that we so desperately need in a time of darkness but, we are gaining more sorrow, heart ache and pain.
1 Corinthians tells us that we are to "take every thought captive to obey Christ." This means that when I'm beginning to complain and throw-up my hands because I'm deeply hurt, I step back and literally speak Truth to myself. I remind myself that God is working even this hurtful/painful/gut-wrenching situation for my good. His grace is sufficient.
When we experience these trails we must declare to ourselves that God is Faithful and His Promises are True. We truly must scream it in the dark times because our old nature thoughts are loud and they tell us to fret and worry. Therefore, we must scream over our sinful thoughts and declare that God is here and He is of all people is to be Trusted.
I'm hopeless He gives me Hope
I'm confused He gives me Wisdom
I'm hurt He gives me Healing
I'm doubting He gives me Faith
Please pray for my family during this time as so many decisions are being made which is completely out of my hands. My life is on hold right now.
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